Some things to remember
Some of my favorite Steve Wright jokes
- Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. John von Neumann.
- Knut Schmidt-Nielsen, The Camel's Nose: Memoirs of a Curious Scientist, Island Press/Shearwater Books (1998). "It has been said that the primary function of schools is to impart enough facts to make children stop asking questions. Some, with whom the schools do not succeed, become scientists."
- Advice from Jan and Anneke Sengers, "As experienced travelers of the 7th decade, we can assure you that there will be plenty of good years in the decade to come, as long as you keep physically fit and avoid constant stress. In other words: make the personal life as pleasant as can be, and the academic life will follow suit."
- I said it: "A society that will not invest in education for its children and maintain its roads and bridges will not take the necessary steps to avoid global warming."
- "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." -- George Bernard Shaw.
- Writing is a sure way of letting you know how sloppy your thinking is.
- "Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it." -- Richard Feynman.
- There is two kinds of music, the good and bad. I play the good kind. -- Louis Armstrong.
- All music is folk music. I ain't never heard a horse sing a song. -- Louis Armstrong.
- I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball. Gerald Early.
- Anyone can make the simple complicated. Creativity is making the complicated simple. Charles Mingus.
- The future is here, it's just not evenly distributed. William
- Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts
can be counted. Albert Einstein
- Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the
- When in doubt, pick the course of least regret.
- Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing. Salvadore Dali.
- Committee Rules:
- Never arrive on time or you will be stamped a beginner.
- Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; others will think you are being wise.
- Be as vague as possible to prevent irritating the
- When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
- Be the first to move for adjournment.
- A Gould play on words: "If baseball is a game of inches, soccer is a game of feet."
- The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says: Support your right to bare arms!
- A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
- Two hydrogen atoms are leaving a bar.
The first one says to the second, "Hey, I think I lost an electron in
The second one responds, "Are you sure?"
The first one says, "I'm positive!."
- When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
- An architect, an artist and a physicist were discussing
whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The
architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed
time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found
there. The physicist said, "I like both." If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office
and get some work done."
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
- What is the speed of dark?
- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
- What's another word for Thesaurus? What's another word for synonym?
- If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
- I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."
Updated 19 February 2013.